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Sunday
Nov232008

Sweet But Dark: Fifty Ways to Kill a Twinkie

Twinkie #8: Teddy Graham Attack
Thanks again to our buddy at Suspect and Fugitive for her help on this adventure!

It's been said that Twinkies could survive a Nuclear Holocaust--and we wouldn't dare challenge the wisdom of The Family Guy. But what about far more mundane, everyday perils? Certainly Twinkies aren't completely indestructable. There's always a means to an end, isn't there? As Paul Simon once said, there must be fifty ways to leave your lover--and so, in what may be considered a perverse twist on this logic, we figured there must also be fifty ways to kill a Twinkie. Ranging from somewhat useful to creative to downright cruel, here they are:


Twinkie #1: Die, Twinkie, Die!Twinkie #1: Dead
1. Step on it. If so desired, do it slowly.

 

Twinkie #2: Dead!Twinkie #2
2. Death by Razr: crush it in a cell phone.

Twinkie #4
3. Put it in a handbag for a week. That sucker doesn't have a chance.

Twinkie #5twinkie side view
4. Put it in the mail. (Note: The first picture is before we sent it --for the recipient's privacy we photographed it before adhering the label-- and the second is after it arrived.)

5. Shank it. 

Twinkie #6
6. Leave it out in the Seattle rain.

Twinkie #7: Listening to Randy Newman
7. Make it listen to Randy Newman on an endless loop.
8. Take it to a fat camp and see how long it lasts.

 

Twinkie #8: Teddy Graham Attack
9. Teddy Graham attack!

Twinkie #9: Assaulted with Boiling waterTwinkie #9: Assaulted with Boiling waterTwinkie #9: Assaulted with Boiling water
10. Pour boiling water on it. Either marvel at, or be repulsed by, the results.

Twinkie #10: In the grate!Twinkie #10: In the grate!
11. Stuff it in a sewer grate.

Twinkie #11: Hurled at the Space Needle
12. Hurl it at the Space Needle. (Note: We wanted to throw it FROM the Space Needle, but fearing arrest and / or heavy fines, we decided to throw it AT the Space Needle.)

Twinkie #12: In the StreetTwinkie #12: Roadkill
13. Make it into roadkill.

Twinkie #13: Being Kind
14. Give it to someone less fortunate (to use it as a punching bag when they see they got a ticket).

Twinkie #14: Impaled!
15. Impale it.

Twinkie #15: Chop it in Tiny Bits
16. Chop it into tiny bits--you know, like mobsters do.

Twinkie #16: Make Croutons
17. Fry cubed Twinkie and make Twinkie Croutons.

Twinkie #17: Make friends eat Croutons
18. Make your friends eat a real salad with Twinkie croutons--hilarity will ensue! (for you).

Twinkie #18: Salt
19. Add salt. It kills slugs, so why not Twinkies, right?

Twinkie #19: Microwave
20. Put it in the microwave. Wonder why the microwave makes the cream filling turn to translucent goo.

Twinkie #20: Go all Damien Hirst on itDamien Hirst Twinkie
21. Go all Damien Hirst on it!

Twinkie Tiramisu
22. Make it into something delicious, like Twinkie tiramisu.

#22: Feed it to a snake
23. Feed it to a snake.

Twinkie #23Twinkie #3
24. Sit on it for an extended period of time.

#41 Put bleach in its coffee
25. Put bleach in its coffee.

#23: Twinkie cut in half
26. Slice it in half and try to see hidden Rorschach-style pictures.

Twinkie Hot Dog
27. Make Twinkie hot dogs!

Twinkie #27: Chair balance
28. Use it to balance a wobbly chair.

Twinkie #28: Heart Attack
29. Give it a Monster Thickburger--a heart attack will surely follow.

Twinkie Mad Science
30. Go all mad science, like these people did.

Twinkie #33: Instant breakfast
31. Make it into an instant breakfast. Screw you, Carnation Instant!

Twinkie #31: Alcohol poisoning
32. Give it alcohol poisoning.

Twinkie #32: Death by literature
33. Use it as a bookend.

#33: Godzilla kills twinkie
34. Leave it to Godzilla's wrath.

35. Dehydrate it.

#35: Give it to a Guinea Pig
36. Give it to a guinea pig.

#36: Skewered Twinkie
37. Skewer it. Twin-kebab, anyone?

#37: Twinkie Sushi
38. Make Twinkie Sushi (Note: This was not originally our idea. Check it out here.)

Twinkie #39: Give it to Mariah Carey
39. Give it to Mariah Carey. That Twinkie's a goner for sure.

40. Submit it to cryogenesis, as these people did.

 

Twinkie Zombie attack!

41. Zombie attack!

 

Frozen Twinkie
42. Freeze it

#43: Death by kitchen fan

43. Put it in the kitchen fan.

 

#45: Doorstop
44. Use it as a doorstop.

#46: Mauled by a unicorn
45. Mauled by Unicorn!

#24: Drop it off a building
46. Drop it off a building. We didn't, but they did.

Twinkie, Mentos, Diet Coke
47. Mentos, Diet Coke, Explode!

#48: Death by Hanging
48. Hang it.

 

#49 Keith Richards and Twinkies
49. Give it to an artist. We gave it to our good friend at Suspect and Fugitive, who made a "Twin-Keith Richards" portrait out of the creme filling. Why? Well, as an homage to their shared infinite shelf life.

Finally, for #50? Oh, you know...eat it. If you dare.

Reader Comments (94)

you are way too creative! hahah this is so neat!! loves it

November 27 | Unregistered CommenterLina

That was so cute. PBR ME ASAP! :)

November 27 | Unregistered CommenterRachie Vegas

I thought I was gonna die from laughing too much (and my husband probably thinks I'm a weirdo because I'm quietly laughing hard).

OMG! This was so hilarious. haha!
This will become a classic post and people will talk about it for generations to come. hehe. Brilliant!

November 28 | Unregistered CommenterZen Chef

i just laughed out loud 50 times LMAO

November 28 | Unregistered CommenterDani

#21 for the WIN!!

November 28 | Unregistered Commentermissbhavens

This is total genius Cakespy! You must have had such a laugh doing this. I love how you have so much green stuff in your flat; chair, utensils and even a knifed man

November 29 | Unregistered Commentereatersregret

This is absolutely hilarious! I giggled all the way through!

November 29 | Unregistered CommenterVeron

15 and 23 are my favorites! You are very very clever (and devious, LOL). :D

November 30 | Unregistered CommenterIrene

You've got a wickedly funny sense of humor. I was gratified to see that my preference for the two end frosting dollops are for a reason - did you see how skimpy the frosting was in middle dollop in the the sliced open Rorschach shot? (#26)

November 30 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

LOL omgod that's SO cute and adorable! esp. the graham bears attack! it looks like they grew inside the twinkie and then bust outta there!

November 30 | Unregistered CommenterPearl

I think I just broke a rib from laughing so hard! You are the bestest!!

December 1 | Unregistered CommenterTartelette

Found this post through A Southern Grace. My good laugh of the day, thanks. :)

December 4 | Unregistered CommenterJoie de vivre

hahaha... :D very creative and original... the twinkie tiramisu does look yummy..

December 8 | Unregistered CommenterJolyn

Everyone on here has said all that I can think of...except you have possibly ruined it for the twinkie cousin my beloved to make her intrance...Dollie Madison's 'Banana Flip'...

Thanks for the laughs! I am forwarding this one to friends!

December 10 | Unregistered CommenterChef E

HEY LOL Somebody Stole My Twinkie!!!!

LOVE these pictures. Too funny. I have a Twinkie the Kid and I'm constantly taking funny pictures of him in different situations so this blog entry is right along those lines for me. hahah. LOVED It!

July 1 | Unregistered CommenterTwinkie
Twinkie Hotdog was already done:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-_FO9p8Xdg
April 23 | Unregistered CommenterWeird Al
this made my day! I THINK I'M GONNA HANG A TWINKY! that should be new since i've strangely already done about half the things on that list...i think i have too much time on my hands ^-^
May 5 | Unregistered CommenterEskimo! =3
lol this is super funny!! Made my day!
October 28 | Unregistered Commenternana
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