Home Home Home Home Home Home Home
CakeSpy

Featured Post:
Of Eating Disorders and Food Blogs

 

 Buy my brilliant books!

Buy my new book!

Buy my first book, too! 

CakeSpy Online Retail!

 

Gallery

Fantastic appliance for cake making on DHgate.com

everyrecipe.co.nz

Craftsy Writer
« Cakespy Undercover: A Sweet Vegan Surprise in Rincon, Puerto Rico | Main | Sky Rockets in Flight: Afternoon Turkish Delight »
Sunday
Nov232008

Sweet But Dark: Fifty Ways to Kill a Twinkie

Twinkie #8: Teddy Graham Attack
Thanks again to our buddy at Suspect and Fugitive for her help on this adventure!

It's been said that Twinkies could survive a Nuclear Holocaust--and we wouldn't dare challenge the wisdom of The Family Guy. But what about far more mundane, everyday perils? Certainly Twinkies aren't completely indestructable. There's always a means to an end, isn't there? As Paul Simon once said, there must be fifty ways to leave your lover--and so, in what may be considered a perverse twist on this logic, we figured there must also be fifty ways to kill a Twinkie. Ranging from somewhat useful to creative to downright cruel, here they are:


Twinkie #1: Die, Twinkie, Die!Twinkie #1: Dead
1. Step on it. If so desired, do it slowly.

 

Twinkie #2: Dead!Twinkie #2
2. Death by Razr: crush it in a cell phone.

Twinkie #4
3. Put it in a handbag for a week. That sucker doesn't have a chance.

Twinkie #5twinkie side view
4. Put it in the mail. (Note: The first picture is before we sent it --for the recipient's privacy we photographed it before adhering the label-- and the second is after it arrived.)

5. Shank it. 

Twinkie #6
6. Leave it out in the Seattle rain.

Twinkie #7: Listening to Randy Newman
7. Make it listen to Randy Newman on an endless loop.
8. Take it to a fat camp and see how long it lasts.

 

Twinkie #8: Teddy Graham Attack
9. Teddy Graham attack!

Twinkie #9: Assaulted with Boiling waterTwinkie #9: Assaulted with Boiling waterTwinkie #9: Assaulted with Boiling water
10. Pour boiling water on it. Either marvel at, or be repulsed by, the results.

Twinkie #10: In the grate!Twinkie #10: In the grate!
11. Stuff it in a sewer grate.

Twinkie #11: Hurled at the Space Needle
12. Hurl it at the Space Needle. (Note: We wanted to throw it FROM the Space Needle, but fearing arrest and / or heavy fines, we decided to throw it AT the Space Needle.)

Twinkie #12: In the StreetTwinkie #12: Roadkill
13. Make it into roadkill.

Twinkie #13: Being Kind
14. Give it to someone less fortunate (to use it as a punching bag when they see they got a ticket).

Twinkie #14: Impaled!
15. Impale it.

Twinkie #15: Chop it in Tiny Bits
16. Chop it into tiny bits--you know, like mobsters do.

Twinkie #16: Make Croutons
17. Fry cubed Twinkie and make Twinkie Croutons.

Twinkie #17: Make friends eat Croutons
18. Make your friends eat a real salad with Twinkie croutons--hilarity will ensue! (for you).

Twinkie #18: Salt
19. Add salt. It kills slugs, so why not Twinkies, right?

Twinkie #19: Microwave
20. Put it in the microwave. Wonder why the microwave makes the cream filling turn to translucent goo.

Twinkie #20: Go all Damien Hirst on itDamien Hirst Twinkie
21. Go all Damien Hirst on it!

Twinkie Tiramisu
22. Make it into something delicious, like Twinkie tiramisu.

#22: Feed it to a snake
23. Feed it to a snake.

Twinkie #23Twinkie #3
24. Sit on it for an extended period of time.

#41 Put bleach in its coffee
25. Put bleach in its coffee.

#23: Twinkie cut in half
26. Slice it in half and try to see hidden Rorschach-style pictures.

Twinkie Hot Dog
27. Make Twinkie hot dogs!

Twinkie #27: Chair balance
28. Use it to balance a wobbly chair.

Twinkie #28: Heart Attack
29. Give it a Monster Thickburger--a heart attack will surely follow.

Twinkie Mad Science
30. Go all mad science, like these people did.

Twinkie #33: Instant breakfast
31. Make it into an instant breakfast. Screw you, Carnation Instant!

Twinkie #31: Alcohol poisoning
32. Give it alcohol poisoning.

Twinkie #32: Death by literature
33. Use it as a bookend.

#33: Godzilla kills twinkie
34. Leave it to Godzilla's wrath.

35. Dehydrate it.

#35: Give it to a Guinea Pig
36. Give it to a guinea pig.

#36: Skewered Twinkie
37. Skewer it. Twin-kebab, anyone?

#37: Twinkie Sushi
38. Make Twinkie Sushi (Note: This was not originally our idea. Check it out here.)

Twinkie #39: Give it to Mariah Carey
39. Give it to Mariah Carey. That Twinkie's a goner for sure.

40. Submit it to cryogenesis, as these people did.

 

Twinkie Zombie attack!

41. Zombie attack!

 

Frozen Twinkie
42. Freeze it

#43: Death by kitchen fan

43. Put it in the kitchen fan.

 

#45: Doorstop
44. Use it as a doorstop.

#46: Mauled by a unicorn
45. Mauled by Unicorn!

#24: Drop it off a building
46. Drop it off a building. We didn't, but they did.

Twinkie, Mentos, Diet Coke
47. Mentos, Diet Coke, Explode!

#48: Death by Hanging
48. Hang it.

 

#49 Keith Richards and Twinkies
49. Give it to an artist. We gave it to our good friend at Suspect and Fugitive, who made a "Twin-Keith Richards" portrait out of the creme filling. Why? Well, as an homage to their shared infinite shelf life.

Finally, for #50? Oh, you know...eat it. If you dare.

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend

Reader Comments (94)

So now I'm craving Twinkies. What does that say about me?!

Thanks for the smilz!

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterSandy Smith

Hahahahahaha!
That guinea pig looks horrified by the twinkie...

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

this is a such fun read
:)hehehehe

That is so funny! Also living in Washington, I think I would have left one as a food offering to the Freemont Troll :)

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

LMAO oh my I'm in fits of giggles here ... Brilliant post!!

Rosie x

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterRosie

Brilliant post..hail to twinkie..thou immortal stuff...loved reading and laughing along the way !

This is great! I love it... very clever.

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterPeppercorn Press

Wouldn't one of your suggestions be considered guinea pig abuse?

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterMarjie

Oh hey, thanks for the link to the T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project. I was just following links from a friend's blog and then it was like, hey, I know that logo!

Not sure why when we microwaved it, all we got was smoke. Your translucent goo is muuuch cooler.

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterTodd Stadler

Brilliant! I love the Mariah Carey one, and it would totally work to fix the wobbly chair :)

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterNQN

This was so great! I want to use the pic of the twinkie eating a cheeseburger and put it on a shirt!! <3

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterAurore

Awesome! So funny, I can't even pick a favourite!

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterY

Genius! Simply brilliant.
That Twinkie didn't stand a chance.

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterTea

Okay...so now I seriously want a Twinkie crouton (is there anything wrong with thinking that looks amazingly delicious?). And love the "Heathers" reference. :-)

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl Wray

gosh, i am glad i am not twinkie...although i kinda like being sat on for a long time LOL

November 25 | Unregistered CommenterMochachocolata Rita

brilliant as always!

November 26 | Unregistered Commenteralicia

So funny! I love it! I do feel bad for the twinkie though. :(

November 26 | Unregistered CommenterThe Blonde Duck

I'm just jealous I didn't think of this first. Brilliant!

November 26 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

oh! i am loving the pics that go with the crimes! perfection. thank you for sharing!

November 26 | Unregistered Commenterjek-a-go-go

WOW, what an effort and yes, I'm LOLing!

November 26 | Unregistered CommenterPeter M

TOO. FREAKING. FUNNY.

November 26 | Unregistered CommenterVeggieGirl

You guys have too much free time :)

November 26 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

I love the guinea photo :D! I'm partial to guineas, I used to have 2! I bet they'd squeak for a bite of twinkies :)!

November 26 | Unregistered CommenterSophie

Brilliant! That just brightened up my inbox on a horrible, cold, miserable thursday morning!! :)

November 27 | Unregistered CommenterSal

I wish I were you!!!
This looks like so much fun!!!
i want your life :)

November 27 | Unregistered Commenterpea & pear
Comments for this entry have been disabled. Additional comments may not be added to this entry at this time.
© Cakespy, all rights reserved. Powered by Squarespace.