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The Horror: When Bad Things Happen to Good Candy

Killed them dead
It's been proven in horror movies again and again: when you dabble in mad science, there will be casualties. Suddenly, people and things change into something else...something evil. Case in point: Frankenstein; Night of the Living Dead; Pet Semetary.

It was in this state of mind that we decided to go all mad science on a bowl of Halloween candy. Our weapon of destruction? The Microwave. We microwaved various Halloween treats in 30-second increments to see which would last the longest--and which ones would succumb easily and quickly to their fate, by popping or exploding or bubbling up. Why did we do this? Well, why do we watch horror movies? Morbid curiosity, the desire to feel alive...and you know, for entertainment.

Here are the scary results:

Snickers Pumpkin HeadSnickers Pumpkin head--killed!

Victim 1: The Snickers Halloween Ghost. The Snickers ghost had a frightening little face, which made it all the more apt when his inner filling exploded after about a minute and a half and his smile was cut in half. "Oh" he seems to be saying, "it smarts!". Overall though, this was a pretty clean and quick goodbye.


Tootsie RollsTootsie Rolls
Dead Tootsie Rolls

Victim 2: Tootsie Rolls. We chose a grouping of three 'rolls, including lime, the little-seen vanilla and the classic chocolate (that is what it's supposed to be flavored, right?). It took about 2 minutes, but they dissolved into a very satisfying goo, the green portion of which was not unlike the slime we remember from the You Can't Do That On Television days.  

Buzzard NestBuzzard Nest
Six Minutes
Victim 3: Russel Stover Buzzard Nest. We weren't quite sure how this one quite worked as a Halloween treat--we suspect it was leftover Easter chicks' nests repurposed for the fall--but whatever reasoning behind it, the fact is that this candy simply would not die. At two minutes, it had barely broken a sweat; at three, four and five minutes, still nothing. It wasn't until minute six that the chocolate even began to melt away a little bit and the candy coating on the jellybeans began to give way. While we admire how long this candy held on, we're not sure if we would ever wanna put it in our bodies.

DotsDead Dots
Victim 4: Dots. What are the odds that our box would have ONLY red (and one orange) candy? These ones didn't look like they were going to break down, until minute three, when a small popping sound could be heard. Though they were still solid, when prodded with a fork they kind of exploded open into a visually satisfying, viscous jelly-mass. Mmm, undead Dots.

Tootsie PopsKilled them dead
Victim 5: Tootsie Pops. How many licks does it take to get to the center? Who cares, when you can see how many minutes it takes to melt them into oblivion? It took about 2 minutes til the Orange pop was toast. Strangely, the grape pop still seemed to be holding its ground even while the orange candy began bubbling up and turning orange. Freaky.

It's the same as the regular sampler!Sampler ChocolatesDead!Sampler--Dead!



Victim 6: The Whitman Sampler. The Whitman Halloween sampler is a lie: it's just wrapped in different paper! After discovering this we didn't feel at all bad about melting them. After just about a minute they were starting to sweat--at two minutes, they had all exploded, leaking sweet fillings all over the plate. Rest in Peace, fair Whitman Sampler.

Reese's CupMelty
Victim 7: Reese's Peanut butter Cup. In retrospect, this was the most beautiful demise of all: after about a minute and thirty seconds, the chocolate was beginning to melt; by two and a half minutes, it had melted into an elegant, accordionesque pattern, and still actually looked appetizing. Would you judge if we admitted we split this one and did in fact eat it?
The Final Word: OK, OK, so we should say that we don't necessarily suggest that you try this at home. However, we're glad that we were able to conduct this experiment--now that it's done, we feel as if learned a few things about Halloween Candy--and, you know, the dark parts of our souls. 
Happy Halloween!



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Reader Comments (49)

What an ace post, made me laugh at loud!

November 2 | Unregistered Commentercinabar

that buzzards nest looks disgusting!
this looks like it was fun though :)

November 2 | Unregistered Commentersara

The best experiment ever....some of them (post microwave) look familiar to me...only it happens in my pockets or purse. Sad forgotten candy.
By the way, it was nice meeting you at IHR today (I bought a set of your holiday cards). Awesome blog! I live for sweets.

that peanut butter cup look ummy-yummy! Sounds like fun...but who had to clean up the microwave after all that?

November 2 | Unregistered CommenterCakebrain

Wow, the PB cup looks so pretty!

Now this is a fun experiment!

November 3 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

It makes sense about the tootsie pops. The orange ones take very little time to eat compared to the grape, if my memory serves me correctly...and I am not, nor ever have been a lollipop biter.

November 3 | Unregistered Commenterfeathermar

I had tragic experiences with melted chocolate recently when served various types of candy melted in a diaper...

... (baby shower, of course) ...

... the tragic part was not the diaper, but the fact that some of my favorite candies (hershey bars, for example) taste absolutely horrible melted, and I have been able to taste that nastiness even with the unmelted ones, now.

So sad. I'm not sure I'll ever recover. Fortunately, the peanut butter cups tasted fine.

November 3 | Unregistered Commenterpaintandink

amazing...the peanut butter cup is pretty nice looking. And what the hell is in the grape tootsie pop? maybe more cause for concern than razorblades in candy apples...well, MAYBE.

No Peeps? :)

Totally agree about the buzzard nest...nasty!

November 3 | Unregistered Commenterkamailesfood

Pure fun! I always love your creativity.

November 3 | Unregistered CommenterStef

Slowlikehoney: Yum, I have never done that but want to give it a try!

Sam: HA! Well, we also had not a one trick or treater! :-(

Emma: Yes, we have mars bars!! It sounds amazing!

Courteous: Ha! You're so right on that one.

Christine: Yes, we'd never heard of it either. Yech!

Dana: HA! Good thing indeed!

Bethany: YES!!! I am so glad I am not alone. They are my favorite!

Clumbsy: Ha! Not sure if you want to do that...

Amanda: Yup. Agreed on both counts!

Caroline: you're sweet!

Wana: Awww, it was mean, wasn't it?? We'd do it again though.

Sharyl: It was totally fun!

Aleta: Yeah! File it for when you're on Jeopardy someday or something!

Cilinary: Thanks! Isn't that fun to do?

Tealady: Glad you enjoyed! :-)

Jeanna: Hope yours was happy and full of tricks and treats!

Maybelle's: Isn't it so much fun?

Weleuoi: Right back at you

Lyns: Glad you enjoyed it! :-)

Jackie: It was!

Krysta: Yours truly, le sigh. All the dishes had to soak a LONG time.

Shelikes: Aren't they the best??

Passionate: Thanks! It was a lot of fun!

Grace: They are vanilla and lime, and yeah, what is the main one??

TW: Like a slasher movie!

Cinabar: Glad you liked! :-)

Sara: It was fun, and disgusting--all at once! :-)

HappySquirrel: It was so great to meet you too!!!!! And yes, you are right--this was maybe just an expedited version of what happens to them in your pocket! :-)

Cakebrain: The microwave was fine--the dishes...not so much!

Melisser: Isn't it oddly elegant?

Deborah: It sure was!

Feathermar: So weird!! I wonder why.

Paintandink: What is up with baby showers?? *shudder*

Banana-head: Yup--you said it. Maybe. Maybe.

Kamailesfood: Not that easy to find peeps around this time of year...unless, don't they make ghost ones now? I feel like I've seen something like that!

Stef: So glad you enjoyed!

November 3 | Unregistered CommenterCakespy

You actually have really cute candy.
My friend A unintentionally did this candy melting thing to her horror! She thought homemade honeycomb brownies would be a treat, but when the honeycomb started melting... it was disastrous!


November 4 | Unregistered CommenterAudrey

I'm slightly disturbed by the Dots.

November 4 | Unregistered CommenterPeabody

Hysterical! That buzzard's nest is a birthing station gone wrong.

November 4 | Unregistered Commentergiz

Oh that's gross! :D

November 4 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

LOL!! How funny.. What a great experiment. My son would have loved to do that!!

November 6 | Unregistered CommenterPrudence

That's enough to turn anyone off of that bowl of Halloween candy that's been calling!

November 6 | Unregistered CommenterJoie de vivre

That is so funny! I love it!

November 7 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

haha i love this.

I used to melt chocolate wrappers / crisp bags in the oven till they shrunk down and make 'cool' keyrings with them when I was about 10.

November 11 | Unregistered CommenterSal

This makes me giggle. :]

November 11 | Unregistered CommenterSimply Nichole

I was having a shoddy day until I stumbled onto your post. It put a smile on my face =)

RIP Halloween candy =(

November 17 | Unregistered CommenterPiee and JSBanana

Thanks again everyone, glad you enjoyed!

November 20 | Unregistered CommenterCakespy

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