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Thursday
Oct162008

Letter to the Editor: Mellowcreme Strikes Back

Mellowcreme strikes back!
To Whom It May Concern at "Cakespy":

My name is Mellowcreme Pumpkin and I would like to comment on your recent article "Cake Poll: Fall Treats". In reading through your reader responses I notice that the confection known as "Candy Corn" has attained far more votes than me in the race to determine the superior Halloween Confection. It has brought me to only one conclusion: either this poll has been funded by "Candy Corn" or "Candy Corn" has paid off said readers for a positive response.

Mellowcreme strikes back!
In defense of my superiority, allow me to point out some important issues which I hope will make readers reconsider their vote:

 

  • There's simply no delicate way to state it other than to say Candy Corn is a Conehead. Do you really want to associate yourself with a piece of candy whose claim to fame is a resemblance to a washed-up vintage Saturday Night Live character? 
  • Candy Corn is skinny. They say never trust a skinny chef--I say never trust a skinny candy. Even considering Candy Corn's unbecoming "junk in the trunk", you'd still have to eat at least three of them to equal one of me. 
  • Seeing green: There's a lot of value put on being "green" in society these days. Well, do you see a trace of green on Candy Corn? No way. I'm the only confection in this mixed bag of candies to contain green. You know what that means? I'm practically a vegetable! Clearly I'm the healthiest choice, not to mention I have a more visually pleasing palette. 
  • Mellowcreme strikes back!
  • The press agrees: According to Serious Eats, Candy Corn is "the fruitcake of halloween candy" and one of the 10 worst Halloween candies to give out. While some of you may argue that my ingredient list is the same, I don't see any pictures of Mellowcreme Pumpkins on that list, so clearly I am a confection of a higher caliber. 
  • I've inspired poetry: for a case in point, check out the beautiful poem "Ode to a Mellowcreme Pumpkin" by McPolack, Inc. Here's an excerpt:
Oh, sweet, sweet mellowcreme pumpkin...let's get together tonight in front of the Gilmore Girls
Where I will feast upon you until I very nearly hurl
They don't put nearly enough of you in the Brach's Autumn Mix.
Have you ever seen a poem about Candy Corn? Well, have you? William Wordsworth would surely agree, I am the superior candy.

Mellowcreme strikes back!
I will close by imploring the readers of "Cakespy.com" to reconsider their vote. There is still time to remedy this voting travesty; consider your integrity here. Sure, "Candy Corn" may have dazzled you, what with its showy three colors and unusual shape. But please, look deep in your hearts--and stomachs--because I've got a lot of sweetness to share, if you'll just give me a chance.
Respectfully yours,
M. C. Pumpkin

Mellowcreme strikes back!

 

 

 

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Reader Comments (62)

i must say that i did put candy corn...only because i didn't know the pumpkins were called mellowcreams...i thought they were of the candy corn family. sorry.

October 18 | Unregistered Commenterhansenfive

Hahaha oh my gosh, too funny! I love the little cartoon foods!

I wasn't going to say anything, but it looks like one of those candy corn's may have soiled himself.

October 18 | Unregistered Commenter..::Angel::..

Mellowcreme actually showed up at my desk at work on Friday. Thanks for the visit Mellowcreme and thanks for the comment CakeSpy.

October 18 | Unregistered Commentermeserod

Ooh! I was very worried for a moment that Mellowcreme was going to shank Candy Corn. Phew!

October 18 | Unregistered CommenterSweet Bird

I laughed so hard I cried. This made my day!

October 19 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

ADORABLE! You always make my day!

October 19 | Unregistered CommenterBethany

So happy you gave Mellowcreme the star role in this one! My faaaaaaave....you're so right, Candy Corn is skinny, in addition to being a dunce cap! Thanks for the giggles!

October 22 | Unregistered CommenterHaphazard Gourmet

you are something else, miss jesse!

October 22 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Nieto

I agree, Mellowcreme pumpkin is the superior candy. Come Halloween-time, it's visions of Mellowcreme pumpkins, not sugarplums, dancing around in my head!

October 24 | Unregistered CommenterSandy Smith

I LOVE THIS!! This has made my day and made me smile.

I do admit though that I have to side with Candy Corn here...

Looking forward to more!

November 6 | Unregistered CommenterJackie

I love this too!!! Each year at different holidays I have my favorites I look forward to and purchase to enjoy; then it is over until next year. These just happen to be my Autumn favorites! You rock my little pumpkin man...why? because candy corn is gone in one bite...and you lushious I can take two bites and enjoy your sweetness...sure some may take you down in one bite, but that would take away my fun of eating you each year...and I eat less...

December 10 | Unregistered CommenterChef E
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