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Thursday
Oct162008

Letter to the Editor: Mellowcreme Strikes Back

Mellowcreme strikes back!
To Whom It May Concern at "Cakespy":

My name is Mellowcreme Pumpkin and I would like to comment on your recent article "Cake Poll: Fall Treats". In reading through your reader responses I notice that the confection known as "Candy Corn" has attained far more votes than me in the race to determine the superior Halloween Confection. It has brought me to only one conclusion: either this poll has been funded by "Candy Corn" or "Candy Corn" has paid off said readers for a positive response.

Mellowcreme strikes back!
In defense of my superiority, allow me to point out some important issues which I hope will make readers reconsider their vote:

 

  • There's simply no delicate way to state it other than to say Candy Corn is a Conehead. Do you really want to associate yourself with a piece of candy whose claim to fame is a resemblance to a washed-up vintage Saturday Night Live character? 
  • Candy Corn is skinny. They say never trust a skinny chef--I say never trust a skinny candy. Even considering Candy Corn's unbecoming "junk in the trunk", you'd still have to eat at least three of them to equal one of me. 
  • Seeing green: There's a lot of value put on being "green" in society these days. Well, do you see a trace of green on Candy Corn? No way. I'm the only confection in this mixed bag of candies to contain green. You know what that means? I'm practically a vegetable! Clearly I'm the healthiest choice, not to mention I have a more visually pleasing palette. 
  • Mellowcreme strikes back!
  • The press agrees: According to Serious Eats, Candy Corn is "the fruitcake of halloween candy" and one of the 10 worst Halloween candies to give out. While some of you may argue that my ingredient list is the same, I don't see any pictures of Mellowcreme Pumpkins on that list, so clearly I am a confection of a higher caliber. 
  • I've inspired poetry: for a case in point, check out the beautiful poem "Ode to a Mellowcreme Pumpkin" by McPolack, Inc. Here's an excerpt:
Oh, sweet, sweet mellowcreme pumpkin...let's get together tonight in front of the Gilmore Girls
Where I will feast upon you until I very nearly hurl
They don't put nearly enough of you in the Brach's Autumn Mix.
Have you ever seen a poem about Candy Corn? Well, have you? William Wordsworth would surely agree, I am the superior candy.

Mellowcreme strikes back!
I will close by imploring the readers of "Cakespy.com" to reconsider their vote. There is still time to remedy this voting travesty; consider your integrity here. Sure, "Candy Corn" may have dazzled you, what with its showy three colors and unusual shape. But please, look deep in your hearts--and stomachs--because I've got a lot of sweetness to share, if you'll just give me a chance.
Respectfully yours,
M. C. Pumpkin

Mellowcreme strikes back!

 

 

 

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Reader Comments (62)

Yes...but which does 'Joe the Plumber' prefer and does he even have a license to make such a choice??!??!!


OMG Jessie, you are clinically kookoo - which I just love.

Hilarious and amazingly clever. You made my day, thank you! After all the political craziness and name calling, I really needed the laugh. Dear Mr. Pumpkin, just know that I voted for you!

October 16 | Unregistered CommenterIrene

Nope. Mellowcreme pumpkins suck. Always will.

October 16 | Unregistered CommenterJDubs

And Serious Eats? You are seriously wack, Candy Corn is most definitely the best Halloween candy of all time and potentially the best candy EVER.

October 16 | Unregistered CommenterJDubs

Alas, my dear Mellowcreme, until both parties in this debate unilaterally agree to abandon the evil axis of high fructose corn syrup, I turn my back on both of you.

October 16 | Unregistered CommenterHFCSisEvil

Laughing out loud. Always keep your readers entertained!

October 17 | Unregistered Commenterkat

As and admitted political junkie, I loved this post. Gave me a good laugh. Keep them coming!

October 17 | Unregistered Commentermeserod

bravo :)

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterGiff

I thoroughly enjoyed this post!!! McPump'in is the way to go!!! I never liked candy corn anyway.

October 17 | Unregistered Commentercakewardrobe

Lyndsay: No, they're not filled--but they're kind of soft in the middle because they're so dense. And whoever gave you raisins should be punished!

WendyB: Thanks!

Diana: Glad you enjoyed!

Noisy: (a note from MC Pumpkin) It's obvious to me that Candy Corn has gotten to you. I find these allegations unfair and quite frankly, hurtful. It's clear that I am the sweetest of them all!

Deborah: Me too!

Stickygooey: Glad you enjoyed :-)

Paintandink: (a note from MC Pumpkin) I hereby curse thee to a lifetime of raisins, pennies and toothbrushes in your halloween basket!

Lyns: Sound judgment, I'd go for the pumpkins if limited to a quantity too.

Prudence: Thanks!

Bridget: Ha! Glad you enjoyed:

CL: If only you knew. Cake Gumshoe Bridget's nickname is Goober! :-)

Rural Vegan: You should check out the urban housewife's fantastic vegan recipe for them both!

Lily N.: MC Pumpkin says that he loves you.

Owl Chick: MC Pumpkin wishes the same curse upon you that he wished upon Paintandink.

Reeni: Thanks!

Jodie: Merci!

Sharon: Glad you enjoyed!

Mehgan: MC Pumpkin says thank you for your support!

Bonnie: MC sends you sugar kisses :-)

Snooky Doodle: Thanks!

Fuji: Ha! Glad you enjoyed!

Food Librarian: Glad you enjoyed it, thanks!

Clumbsy: MC Sez thanks!

EB: Ha! Glad you enjoyed the shanking pic. :-)

Vanessa: Glad you enjoyed!

MKE: HA!!! MC didn't want to offend the Punky Plumber, promise!

Irene: Glad you enjoyed!

JDubs: MC curses you as well to a lifetime of raisins, pennies and toothbrushes in your halloween candy bag. ;-)

HFCS: How 'bout the ones sweetened with honey?

Kat: Glad you enjoyed!

Meserod: Ha! Glad you enjoyed!

Giff: thanks!

Cakewardrobe: MC says thanks for your support ;-)

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterCakespy

i'll reconsider my vote, but only for a hot second. candy corn rules, and this is a stellar, hilarious, and altogether entertaining post. :)

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterGrace

Dear Mr. Pumpkin,
Please, do not despair. I am on my way to the store right now, to buy another bag of your delicious goodness!
I eagerly await your arrival every year. i even try to hide some of your yummy friends for later, but alas , i cave in to temptation!
See you soon, very soon.

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterBig Toe Mom

Dear Mr. Pumpkin,
Please, do not despair. I am on my way to the store right now, to buy another bag of your delicious goodness!
I eagerly await your arrival every year. i even try to hide some of your yummy friends for later, but alas , i cave in to temptation!
See you soon, very soon.

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterBig Toe Mom

ive never tried either!! this is so not fair!!
but mr pumpkin you look cuter than candy corn to me so you win my vote even if i have never managed to sample you :(

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie...

Who say's retail sales have slowed down.. I think your post is going to boost Mellowcreme Pumpkin's sales in the markets the next couple of weeks!! :)
And though they were corny, I loved SNL's "The Cone Heads"!

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

Mellowcreme - you made my day.

Down with candy corn. Up with pumpkins!

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterBakerella

ahahahahahahahahah... you are so freaking funny, Mellowcreme! And what can I say, you really got me with your arguments. Specially the think green thing. I'm on your side!

- So funny, Cakespy! And the photos are too cute!

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterIsa

Candy corn is KING! I swear, I could eat this by the fistful, well, actually I have. For all the years of my childrens trick or treat days, it was me, the guilty one...stealing away with the GOOD STUFF. They could have the chocolate, the bubblegum, my wants were of simplier treasures and I sought comfort in the likes of you.
How did you end up on the 'bad' list? Who wrote this list? Where can I find them? Whose guilty? Fess up, I ain't gonna let my beloved suffer because of ignorance.
CANDY CORN RULES...I don't care what name you throw on it. I'm living proof that life turns out well when you consume massive quantities.
;)

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I laughed, I cried...Mellowcreme you are the wind beneath my wings. xo

October 17 | Unregistered Commenterjennifer

I'm so sorry Mellowcreme, but I hated you as a child. I just couldn't handle you, getting my teeth through your thick girth of pure sugar was almost painful, and perhaps too cremey. CandyC was just right, just thin enough to let linger and melt on the tongue, or quickly bite through and enjoy the crush of creme immediately disperse throughout the mouth.
I know it was so long ago, but even know I can't dare return to your cruel ways, trying to pull off my teeth in your black hole of corn starch. CandyC will always win my heart MC.

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterShannon.Doran.

Mallowcreme Pumpkin, I love you so much that there isn't enough space in this comment form to tell you. But I don't have to tell you this. You know I eat, like, a dozen bags of you every October, and that I use any excuse I can to smoosh you ontop of a baked good. As the cast of Grease would say, "we go together like ramalama... whatever." I love you!
Your BFF,
Pumpkin

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterPumpkin

My vote is definitely for the pumpkin. More to love there.

October 17 | Unregistered CommenterCookie baker Lynn

what a genius post jessie! the faces....

October 18 | Unregistered CommenterAran

Great looking pictures...

Our members of recipebuddys.com are looking for dessert recipes...maybe you can post some of your recipes on the site... I am sure the members would be very greatful...thanks


Andy
www.recipebuddys.com

October 18 | Unregistered CommenterAndrew Abraham

I used to love candy corn... we always bought it... not made it..

Wow these look great...and I am sure tasty...

Our members of recipebuddys.com as well as myself are looking for Unique and tasty recipes...maybe you can post some of your recipes on the site... I am sure the members would be very greatful...thanks


Andy
www.recipebuddys.com

October 18 | Unregistered CommenterAndrew Abraham
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